2013-12-27
A Statement by Drake
He said this completely out of the blue.
Drake: When I was Santa Clause, I had a white beard and a mustache, and cars in my pockets, and I gives presents and I was really strong. Ho, Ho, Ho!!
2013-12-22
Again about foxes
Me: What does the fox say?
Drake: Ring dingy ding dingy ding! And wa papapapapa POW!
Me: Is that what they really say? Drake: no, just in Daddy’s video. Real foxes is nice and quiet.
Me: What do you think the fox would say about that crazy video?
Drake: It would hurt his feelings because real foxes not silly. They are nice. And quiet. And they don’t chase mousies. So don’t show foxes that video, Mom.
(I’m going to hold off on telling him the truth about foxes and their relationship with mousies.)
2013-12-16
Drake wishes he could...
Me: Hey Drake, want to help me wrap these presents?
Drake, sighing deeply: I wish I could… but my monster trucks are all JACKED UP, thanks to my BLASTED DADDY!!!
2013-12-14
Drake's Uncle Has Needs...
Drake, after watching is Uncle work on his car: Uncle Caleb needs a hooker.
Lizzy: I think you can get one of those at Rite Aid.
Drake: Hookers. Rite Aid. Got it.
Note: “Hookers” is Drake’s word for “tow trucks.”
2013-12-08
Leaving Yammo's house
As we pulled away from Yammo’s house after Sunday dinner
Drake: Bye, Yammo! Bye, Yammo’s house! Bye, Yammo’s Pop! Bye, Yammo’s fireplace! Bye, Yammo’s nap! Bye, Yammo’s sugars (kisses)! Bye, Yammo’s loves! I will miss you and miss you in my heart!
Me: Don’t worry, Drake! You’re coming back tomorrow.
Drake, sighing deeply: That’s too long to wait…
2013-12-04
Drake, on hair
Drake: Mom, I need to spit in your hair. (he prepares to spit)
Me: Don’t spit in my hair, Drake! Why would you spit in my hair??
Drake: So it will grow tall, to the ceiling!
Me: How will spitting in my hair make it tall?
Drake: Plants need water to grow, Mom.
(I promised to water it well in the shower…)
2013-12-01
Non-violent resistance
Drake: I want to take my monster truck card in with me.
Me: No, Buddy. It could get lost.
(Drake holds the card in his fist and raises it straight in the air.)
Me: What are you doing, Bud?
Drake: I’m holding up my card….in protest.
2013-11-28
Thanksgiving
Me: Drake, what are you thankful for this Thanksgiving?
Drake: God. And my race cars.
Me: And maybe your mom and dad??
Drake: I guess so. Ummm, so there’s a feast later, right?
2013-11-23
Drake, while going over animal sounds
Me: What does the fox say?
Drake: He says, “I’m a fox! I’m a fox!”
2013-11-17
Drake, on being awesome
Drake: Mom, you’re awesome!
Me: Drake, you’re awesome, Possum!
Drake: No, I’m just awesome. Possums have germs.