Conversations
with Drake

Me: Drake, I’m SO tired today. I’m wiped out.
Drake, lovingly patting my hand: Oh, Mom, just wait! I’m going to make you even MORE tired!!

“It’s too hot. Or maybe it’s too cold. I don’t really know.”
“It’s too yucky.”
“It’s poisoned.” 
“It’s too delicious.”
“It’s too crazy.” (In that case, he was speaking about plain, buttered noodles.)
“It’s too noodly.” (Again, the noodles.)
“It’s too much saucy.” (About the spaghetti sauce, which I put “on the side” at his request.)
“I might not like it.”
“I might like it too much.”
“There is a saucy piece on my fork.”
In the end, he took one small bite. And, he did not freak out about the presence of something new (raw green bean) on his plate. Generally, he was cheerful at the table. And no gagging! So, progress. Sigh.

Drake: Hey, red car. You can’t be bumping the other cars! It’s not nice and it’s against our family rules.
**I perk up and start listening when I hear the phrase I use so often to correct Drake**
Drake: I love you too much to let you have bad habits, my friend. And I love you too much to let you be unkind when I know you have a kind heart.
**I’m feeling like a fantastic parent because he clearly knows why he is sometimes corrected. He’s acting it out with his toys. It’s adorable.**
Drake: There are consequences when you do bad things.
**”Amen,” I think to myself.**
Drake: So, next time you bump another car, I’m going to punch you as hard as I can in your face. Okay, red car Buddy?
**Ummm, what?**

Me: Is it okay, Buddy?
Drake: Wow, babe! You are really good at making these cookies!

Drake: Mom, I don’t like bath time.
Me: We can make it a quick bath if you want. But you need to get clean, Buddy.
Drake: Ok. Just as long as I’m not TOO clean…

Conversation with Drake, after trying hard to help him win at the matching game (‘Memory,’ you fellow moms!), to puzzling results–Drake turns over many cards, gives me many meaningful looks, but doesn’t manage to collect any matching pairs himself.
Me: Drake, are you too tired for the matching game, Buddy? It’s taking us a long time to find matches tonight.
Drake: UGH. NO, but I’m just FRUSTRATED.
Me (thinking I’ve offended him because I noticed he was slow on picking up matches): Why so frustrated, my friend?
Drake: Because I keep TRYING and TRYING to help YOU WIN, but you aren’t getting ANY of my CLUES!!!
Me: Oh! Sorry, Buddy. I didn’t know you wanted me to win.
Drake, sighing: It’s ok, Mom. Just try to pay closer attention, OK?

Drake, while Hannah changes baby Henry’s diaper: Nana Hookum, Henry pooped in his diaper A LOT!
Hannah: Yep, but I’m cleaning him up!
Drake, sounding betrayed: But I told him NOT to poop in his diap’ and to ONLY poop in the potty!
Hannah: I’m sure he wants to, Bud, but he can’t even sit up yet. How can he poop on the potty?
**Drake thinks about it, then holds out his arms to take the baby.**
Drake: Give him to me! I will hold him over the potty!

Parenting disclosure: I’m sure Hannah would like it known that she refused Drake’s offer to help and continued dealing with Henry’s diaper the traditional way.

Drake: Mom, I made this special birthday cake for you because it’s your pretend birthday!! And it has stars because YOU are a star!
Me: Thanks, Drake! How old am I today?
Drake: Ummm, old. Like about, sixteen or something.

We like to keep it loose with dinner on Fridays, so this boy decided on a bowl of cereal. He always drinks the milk after he’s done, just like Daddy.